I read an article yesterday, about this young lady who got raped along with her seven other friends. By whom? Eight married men. Yes, sick men who were married and probably had kids waiting at home for their ‘good’ ol’ daddies to come back from what they must have been told was a ‘business’ trip.
As I read it, I encountered an assorted mix of feelings. At first I was enlightened, then appalled, then sorry, then bemused. To think this actually happened, especially in the manner it did…was well, very surreal. You would think this kind of things only happen in movies, but they actually happen. You can read the story here and share what you think about it.
Why it was a sorry read: Getting raped must be a terrible experience. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be held down against your will, and there is nothing you can do about it because you’re too weak to fight back. Its a life-changing experience that alters your view about life completely. Some people feel worthless afterwards and go into self-derogation, others go into depression for years, and some others just plain kill themselves. In her case, she was drugged with some sort of drug that got her aroused yet weak at the same time. That is why the beasts had their way so easily with her and her friends, if not, probably she would have put up a fight.
Why it was appalling: This was before I felt kinda sorry for her afterwards. According to the story, she and the ‘married’ man were friends on blackberry messenger. Apparently, the man had been asking her out for over six months. Point noted, they were friends. I don’t see anything wrong with a married man having a single lady as a friend, as long as he respects his marital vows, and the lady respects herself and the fact that he is married AND doesn’t try to make any overt moves. But, for these two people to overlook that fact and still have an affair was very reproachful. Firstly, the married man must be irresponsible for persistently asking her out. Not-cheating should be viewed as common sense when one is in a relationship/married, and not as a burden! Why did he ask her out despite the fact that he knew he was married, and probably had kids? Fact: Because he saw nothing wrong with it. Married men, and also women, who engage in such an appalling act without thinking of the consequences need to have a taste of their own dish. Secondly, even though the married man was persistent, and probably persuaded her with tommy-aching sweet words of passion and promises of delight(blah blah and blah), she had no excuse to succumb to his wiles. I repeat, NO EXCUSE. No matter how alluring a married man is, you cannot ditch the fact that he has a wife and still have an affair with him. Chances are, and most definitely, you are ruining a marriage and destroying a family. A lot of people are actually into this and have no conscience, but they fail to realize that life definitely has a way of paying back the wrongs you do to others. It may not happen immediately, but one day you’ll find that nothing is going well for you all of a sudden, and in your frustration to tamper what went wrong, you’ll forget that this is your reward for having a hand in breaking a marriage.
In the article, the lady claims she had an affair with the married man yet they didn’t have sex. She says again that they did everything apart from having sex. Okay… If this was her way of trying to put a damper on the sordid affair, it doesn’t cut it. Having foreplay is still cheating.
Why it was enlightening: The story made me realize that this sort of thing could happen to anyone. I’m not talking about having illicit affairs of the sort, but i’m talking about the rate at which we trust people easily these days on social networks. Its funny how a person can find it hard to talk about their problem to their family, friends or loved one, but would easily do so to a stranger they’ve never met before on a social network. Perhaps the lack of visibility of the person makes it easy for one to share their secrets. You do not get to see the person’s facial expression, or you believe they would have a friendlier way of reacting to your problem compared to those nearby? God knows.
This story reminds me of the girl that got killed by two men who were her supposed facebook ‘friends’ recently. At first the girl met them on facebook, then got really comfortable with them. So comfortable with them that she let them pay for her flight ticket to where she would meet them, which was where she got killed. You can read about the story here.
Why I was bemused: The end of the article when the girl advised married women to pray for their husbands against doing evil deeds and having friends who influence them to do evil deeds. That was a very good advise, but I was confused that she left no advice for single ladies who are having affairs with married men, or are even considering it. Single ladies do not need to be told that a man who is already taken is off-limits, but then again, they need to be reminded. Doing that only makes you look desperate and ‘side chick’, and while it’s really the man to blame for being the infidel, somehow the blame is all on you! I have heard a few inane reasons why some of them go after men that are taken, some are “Married men are mature”,”Married men know how to show care and love”, “Guys in relationships know how to treat a girl right” ,”The guy is in a relationship, as long as he is not married he is still up for grabs” ” His wife/girlfriend wasn’t showing him love, and he was very lonely” blah blah blah. Who thinks like this for goodness sake? Definitely not one who is human. Because for one to think like this, one has accepted the notion that someone is going to get hurt in the process and therefore does not care about it; as long as one is getting the man one wants. I guess there are some people who need to be told that their actions are wrong before they actually realize it. Others, despite how much you tell them and apparently wrong the action is, they won’t realize it until the same thing happens to them..or probably worse.
In the end, whether this story is true or was made up by some very imaginative writer, it definitely got my attention. It made me think about values, morals and integrity. It made me wonder why bad things have to happen to people before they acknowledge their actions were wrong? It made me realize how some of us are too quick to trust the wrong people. Or could it be that the wrong people are great actors? There is just so much to learn from this. It also made me realize that as much as I sympathize with what happened to the girl, I can’t help but admit that karma dealt her a cruel hand.
Or perhaps she was just bad at playing life’s cards?