When I was much younger, I aspired to be an Architect when I grew up.
I had many reasons for choosing that occupation. One reason was that I loved to draw, and I was quite good at it. Infact, the more complicated an object, the more I had a need to want to draw it. Buildings at the time seemed quite complicated to me. Whenever I saw a building that seemed interesting to me, I would draw to my hearts content. If I did not like any particular feature of the building, I would modify it in my drawing. Another reason why I wanted to be an architect was because back in high school, I was quite good at Technical Drawing, a course which required us to draw complex 3D structures. I was also good at Building Technology, another course that involved the design of building plans. I loved those courses and I excelled at them. To me, this was a sign that Architecture was my calling.
5 years later, I see myself, soon to graduate from university with a B.Sc in Software Engineering…
I keep asking myself, what happened? How did I end here? Actually a lot of things happened that were beyond my control, but I will admit there are some things that I should have done that would have probably made the outcome something I expected. I know one thing I did that changed everything was applying for Civil Engineering in my first university, rather than Architecture. I was told that C.E would get me more pay, and was somewhat related to Architecture. Sometimes I wonder if I had done the opposite where would I have been right now? Would I have been happier than I am at the moment? It’s hard to determine this, considering the fact that in the end, although I lost something, I still gained something by meeting wonderful people. Therefore, I try not to think too much of the past, for fear that I may end up wallowing in self-pity and probably abuse myself for not following my dream, rather than doing what someone thought was best for me. So let me believe, and continue to console myself, that everything happens for a reason.
It’s not that I hate Software Engineering, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that it’s everything I never dreamt of doing.
Also, when I was younger I hated the male sex.
I thought they were trouble, BIG trouble. I thought being in a relationship with them, or even marrying them, would only surmount to a plethora of problems you couldn’t imagine. I likened them to the devil. I had reasons for hating them though. Unjust reasons. Despite that, I still had male friends although they were very few, and I very much loved my brother. I told myself that I wasn’t going to go into a relationship, that I didn’t NEED a boyfriend. In high school, I pretty much adhered to this no-boyfriend rule. I will admit I had some crushes along the way, but I was very adept at hiding it. Little did I know that you don’t exactly choose when you fall in love, and who you fall in love with.
So I got into university, and yeah, I fell hard for someone who I never even imagined I would fall for. And we’re still dating till date!
Sometimes I wonder if God laughs or shakes his head at us when we make plans like we know what tomorrow holds. It’s funny how we tell our friends, “I’ll see you later” like we know it will definitely happen later, or we decide to implement something in a number of years ahead. The latter gets me wondering, what if one dies before then? or what if the world ends before then?
Its beautiful when everything falls according to how you planned, hoped for, or dreamed. When what you dreamed you would be when you were young, is exactly what you become. Or the type of person you dreamt or hoped you would marry, is the kind of person you end up marrying etc etc..
It’s even more beautiful when nothing goes according to how you planned, but the outcome is way better than how it would have been if the initial plan executed perfectly. This, I hope, is my situation.
It can be depressing, however, when everything falls according to plan, but the outcome falls below expectation. It reminds me of how in school, we would prepare for weeks for an upcoming test. Our plan was to understand our study material thoroughly so that we would be able to answer any kind of question set. In the end, we really didn’t know if we were fully prepared for a test until we saw the questions the instructor had set- in the exam hall. Sometimes our plan worked, where the outcome of the test turned out successful. Other times, despite our supposed understanding of the material, we still ended up flunking the test.
In the end, we may dream, we may hope, we may pray, and we may execute but it’s not until that ‘moment’ do we realize if all we’ve done has surmounted to everything we’ve expected, hoped for, or prayed for.
It kinda reminds me of a football match, where it’s not necessarily the first team that scores or the team that is jam-packed with the all-star players, that wins the match.
And that pretty sums up life. The result always comes at the end of it all.
Photo Credit: http://blogs.uww.edu/career/tag/office-services/