Comparing myself now, to the way I was five years ago, I see the inevitable has occurred – Change..
Just thinking about it brings about a myriad of emotions. Sometimes I cringe at the thought; especially when I see myself doing things now that years back, I swore I would never do. Sometimes I’m happy at the thought, because I see myself much stronger, wiser, mature and open-minded. Other times, I just get all nostalgic, missing the days when my naivety was a shield and protected me from a lot. I was allowed to think anyway I wanted, allowed to actually day dream, and people would tolerate it. Now with more ‘experience’ in the world, people expect more from me and expect me to think a particular way – the worldly way, the realistic way – like how everybody does. A feat I find tedious and sometimes boring, especially when I am much of a dreamer. Sometimes I just feel there’s got to be more to life than all the ‘usuals’.
Change is beautiful, but then again, it can be scary. Scary in the sense that people change into people you can no longer understand, that you have to force yourself to tolerate..and even love them. Imagine a woman who is constantly cheated on or molested by her lover. If she knew he would change into who he is now, she probably wouldn’t have gone into the relationship. Imagine a father whose teenage daughter has grown up to be disrespectful or an addict of some sort. When he carried her in his arms the day she was born, he felt she was always going to be his little girl. He never knew what was coming. Imagine someone who used to believe in God is now an atheist, due to some circumstances he/she thought God was not capable of handling. Imagine..Imagine…Imagine…..
So much to imagine, right? There’s so much positive change going on out there.., and then a great amount of negative. The happy and sad part is that circumstances as well as people, will always change – because nothing lasts forever. Then there’s the hard part with people you love changing negatively and having to decide if you have to tolerate them, change because they have, or just let them go. In all my years, I’ve learned that you really can’t tell when change is coming. However, you’ve got to be ready to handle change…else change will handle you. Not everyone is ready for change, and not everyone is always going to like it but withstand it, we must. I’ve also learned that change is perceived differently amongst individuals. In other words, someone’s good change could be perceived as bad to another. It’s complicated really. But I just feel that if you change, which you will, that you should become a better version of yourself. And I’m not referring to having more money in your account, or wearing designer shoes sort of change. Those are good, but are materialistic because they don’t last for long. I’m referring to you having values that you can hold onto, and you can’t be bullied out of. That sort of change that makes you proud of yourself because despite everything life has thrown at you – the good, the bad, and the downright hurtful, you’ve still turned strong and still very optimistic. Now that’s a true gem…a diamond in the rough, and I don’t mind being that…so help me God 0:-)